


Unstable Boy

by Tortellini



Category: Downton Abbey
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Canon Compliant, Deleted Scenes, Friendship, Gen, Heavy Angst, Homophobia, Internalized Homophobia, Period-Typical Homophobia, Sad, Sad Ending, Season/Series 01, Wordcount: 100-500
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-02
Updated: 2020-07-02
Packaged: 2021-03-03 20:41:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 396
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24981736
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tortellini/pseuds/Tortellini
Summary: Ask me how I'm doing and I'll say...Oneshot/drabble
Relationships: Thomas Barrow/Duke of Crowborough
Kudos: 24





	Unstable Boy

Thomas Barrow chewed almost unnoticeably on his lower lip as he watched the car pull up…to take the Duke away. Today, he felt exhausted: kind of that nauseous tired you get after something important happens… he felt anxious, and upset in the pit of his stomach.

He had almost done it…almost escaped Downton and its goddamn people! He could’ve left to… _valet_ the Duke, the man he was _—he had been_ in love with. But Phillip—that was the man’s name—didn’t love him like he did…it was just a fling, he had said; just something fun to waste away the days.

He should’ve known… he shouldn’t have his heart broken like this…

Too late, a tiny voice said scornfully in his head. He grimaced to himself.

“Thomas?” he jumped as a hand rested on his sleeve, and as he turned, the Housekeeper Mrs. Hughes’ concerned brown eyes stared into his cold grey ones. “Are you all right?”

He gave her a thin unconcerned smile. “Of course, Mrs. Hughes. Never better.”

Each lie seemed to be a stab of cold metal in his gut…he felt slightly worse. Because he knew that he could never tell her, or anyone, why he _wasn’t_ okay, why he was never okay; his head was reeling… And besides he knew, deep down, that she didn’t care about him, just like Phillip didn’t. No one did.

“Thomas!” the second footman William appeared suddenly in front of him, looking placid. 

“What?” Thomas snapped. William was unfazed.

“C’mon, the Duke is leaving. We have to get his luggage ready for him to leave.” He suddenly squinted at Thomas, just like Mrs. Hughes had. “Are you all right…?”

Thomas glared at him, looking murderous; William flinched and hurried on, with the first footman following slower. They latched up his suitcases, and as he was doing the last one, the man himself walked out, chatting comfortably with ‘is Lordship and ‘er Ladyship.

Thomas stared at him out of the corner of his eye. He watched him leave. And he thought about him—for the last time, he promised himself grimly—as all the servants walked back down to the Hall.

God hated him for the way he was, the type of man he was. And his life was his punishment (yet a tiny part of him agreed that he maybe deserved it). 


End file.
